Last night was one of the only moments I felt like I could completely catch my breath since all that has happened. My brain felt like it was on vacation mode…
We had a movie night, just the four of us (6 including the cats). I Ubered some popcorn from AMC-I know sounds crazy BUT hear me out. We chose a movie to stream and ordered some popcorn and an order of mozzarella sticks. We sat comfortably on our couch with our blankets and snuggled in. I got the comfort of a movie night with move snacks from my very own couch!
My two girls were sandwiched between Pat and I and my two orange boy cats were rolled up in a ball by my legs. It was all the emotional support needed for the perfect family night. Definitely a moment of pure bliss and gratitude…
Come on now this blog is about loss and the journey after so here comes the rough part… Since being pregnant I have been having terrible night sweats and no not just with dreams that cause the sweats. Any dream I had I was waking up drenched in sweat, so much so I had to change my night attire from oversize tee and shorts to a bra and shorts which if you know me I absolutely hate based on level of comfort. Last night was NO exception. My dreams ranged from loving family fun to these nightmarish reminders of what we’re going through. One in particular was of me feeling these awful cramps and just bleeding. It’s not enough to feel these things when you’re wide awake but it becomes torture to retreat to the comfort of your dreams and still have to feel the same. I should also mention that my dreams are always so vivid. The images are so real and I feel so much. Most of us can barely remember our dreams and I have heard that dreams are really just in pieces but our brains put together the puzzle. But my brain creates such an intense road map of these dreams that I feel the ICK for days…Is this why people drink and drugs? I will never turn to either but dreams should be an escape dontcha think?
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